It is with so much joy and sadness that I see my girls growing up. There are days where I feel I barely touch Adessa, and have to make a point to hold her. She doesn't need me very much, which is so nice on some levels and... so heart-wrenching on other levels. Inevitable, I know, but still! It does go by so fast. And I am unsure of the future: will we get along? Will they confide in me? Will they want me around, not just to take them places? Will we successfully navigate the sometimes choppy waters of mother-daughter relationships? Because I know that now, they are still mostly "mine". I can do very little wrong in their minds, I am just their mom. Our uncomplicated relationship involves yelling, scolding, and crying followed instantly by hugs and laughter. Ach.
Adessa has started telling jokes, most of which make little sense but are greatly amusing to her. She is helpful and has greatly reduced her fit throwing, which is so wonderful, a welcome break before Eliana takes up the banner for terrible two's and fit throwers everywhere.
In another facet of growing up, Eliana is finding her will. The purely sweet, amiable, darling girl is not always there. Sometimes a back-arching, non-complying, No-shouting, Mine-grabbing Eliana takes over. Ohhh. So soon. I did enjoy every day when she was just sweet, and the sweet girl is there often, but... she's got to grow into herself, too, and being ornery is part of it. I keep thinking, how will I bear it, when they are grown, when they aren't exactly like this? And in the next breath I am waiting for the day where I have my life "back to myself." and they can get themselves in and out of the car, make their own breakfast, do everything related to the bathroom all on their own, etc. Stay present, Keidi! Just stay present and smile into their eyes every day.
Santa Cruz Beach
17 years ago
