Yummy

Last night I was holding Adessa after feeding her, right before bed. She was dozzing, and I rocked her and kissed her and nuzzled her, and it made me feel two things so strongly- 1. overwhelmed with love for her bitsy, soft, baby-ness, and amazed that I get to love her from so close; and 2. desirous of kalamata olives, maybe with some chopped cucumber, tomato, and red onion. That's because our Adessa is a feta-factory. She industriously produces what smells like feta cheese, with nothing more than breastmilk, and within the confines of her very own tiny crevices and crannies (neck, armpit, ears, hands, etc.) Premium cheese. (They do very expensive things with bat guano, maybe someone should look into the market for breastmilk cheese?) I took her to the doctor for her 2-month well-baby check, and he told me, very helpfullly, after looking at her neck: "You know you can clean this out?" Yes, thank you. Note to self: bathe baby before next doctor's visit. He's not such a fan of Greek salad, apparently. OPA!

She's two months old (officially, now,) (and nine weeks). She's awake and aware more often, and I've a feeling that I could really do something wrong, now, as a parent. She always is looking at me, watching me, sometimes it creeps me out. Does she need more stimulation? Less? Is it okay that she likes her baby swing? Is her head going to be flattened? I think it's the beginning of normal mommy guilt, but again, new territory for me.

She smiles, she tracks toys, she's found her fists. She'll stick her tiny tounge out if I stick mine out. We know so little about her, really. What her hair color will end up being, will she ever outgrow her mullet? Eye color, talents, interests, good singing voice or not, good teeth-- it's all to be revealed.
She's the strong, silent type, so far, mystery is part of her allure. Parents are like undercover cops, I think, trying to bait their kids into giving something away, detectives on an 18 year stake-out. Waiting is most of our job at this point, with plenty of photodocumentation for analysis back at the lab.

Eight weeks old!

Adessa will be eight weeks old tomorrow (Tuesday, August 7th). Oddly, she won't be two months old until August 12, but who's counting? (Me, over and over, and I'm confused about how old she is.) At any rate, she's growning and developing and cooing and SMILING!! That's a lot of fun -- she will be coaxed into a smile by our energetic and overanimated smiling and baby talking sessions, or sometimes I'll catch her smiling at me when I happen to glance over at her. Totally melts my heart. I've loved our girl from the beginning, but lately have had the sensation of falling in love. This relationship is a process, and it is soooo cool to be a part of. We definitely decided right, having a kid is great. And yes, I can already imagine the next one (couldn't during labor, but now I already miss her first few weeks.) I keep thinking about moms and daughters, parents and children, how the potential is there for joy and also pain. Yikes.

We've seen lots of family and friends this summer who vacation in the Santa Cruz area. Calvin's family reuned (reunioned? reunited?) in Mt. Hermon for the past two weeks, so Adessa met lots of her cousins, second cousins, aunts and uncles. She did a great job being passed around- she was more relaxed about it than I was. The "mother-bear" imagery is making a lot of sense to me now, new emotions that come with the territory.

I've started taking Adessa to mommy groups in Santa Cruz run by nurses and lactation specialists. Its been fun to field the challenges of baby care with other new moms and trained professionals. Best, though, are my friend Sarah with her six month old, Sadie, and my cousin Annabelle and her five month old, Henry. They are full of helpful hints and encouragement and baby playtime fun. Annabelle and Henry came with us to the Mt. Hermon pool for Adessa and Henry's first dip. It was a little overwhelming, very bright, loud and splashy, and Adessa... didn't like it. Darn. She didn't like her first bath, though, and now enjoys them, so there's hope.

Calvin misses Adessa during the day now that he's back at work, and swears she grows and changes from morning to night. It has to be possible, as she is different every day. Quite a journey!