I could add a few more Re's in there. Since first hinting about this revival, it has lapsed into a quiet, subconscious simmering. But I will deliver the meat of it, anyway, partly in hopes to pep myself up again. Oh dear.
Back in May, (could be why it doesn't feel so freshly amazing anymore) I went to hear Fr. Mel (Fr. Meletios Weber) speak. He is the priest who, with my dad, married Calvin and I. I really, really love him. He's one of those who spends a few minutes talking to me and changes my whole perspective. And hearing one of his talks is always just fabulous. The guy knows what he's talking about, spiritually, psychologically, relationally, linguistically... (We always nerd around and try to speak French together. He speaks many languages. Love him.)
Fr. Mel's talk was titled "Family, Church, and the Spiritual Way." I would have driven an hour and paid a babysitter to hear him talk about car parts or the rice farming, anything. I assumed the talk was about how to get your kids involved in church life, or keep them busy during services (any hints or philosophies on kids in church from mamas out there?) But his talk was much deeper than that, about people, families and their problems, and the church's role therein.
His main points:
*We are broken people and need healing. (This is opposed to the western view that we are sinful and need punishment or forgiveness.)
*Sometimes our brokenness crashes and clashes with the brokenness of someone else. Families are a good place for this, as is church.
*When we realize we are broken, we can then begin to face problems correctly. Being aware of how broken we are, we are entitled to the healing of God. No one can take away God's healing except our own self, through pride.
*Biggest brokenness: between our head/mind and our heart.
1. Our mind likes to dwell in the past or future, where God meets us in the present moment (heart).
2. Our mind runs a stream of chatter, "Logisme", always feeding us two types of thoughts: fear and desire. Most of our thoughts are "what if" or "if only".
-Our brains are good for working things out, its good to voluntarily use our mind, but when our mind is doing something to us, that's our brokenness. (Throwing a pity party, worrying, getting emotional and festering, etc.)
-Emotion is a physical reaction to thought, fickle, fleeting. Its okay to use emotion to describe an event, but it is not ever the event.
-Memory is bad at reconstructing reality. Its good at reconstructing our emotions about something.
*Our thought clumps (Logisme groups) are the Human Ego, which says: life isn't fair to me, but what about me?, expects always to be attacked, is always desperate, the super insecure part of us. Ego wants to be the victim, so we can say: "SEE! Look at what happened to ME!"
(Side note: he thinks people so enjoy being the victim that they hold on to it, even for 20+ years, because they can use it to explain/excuse their behavior. At some point-- get over it. Its in the past, unproductive to continue to give energy to it, its done.)
*Psychotherapy: people try to use their mind to fix their mind. Psychotherapy gets rid of symptoms. The root of our problems is our inability to dwell in our heart. Our goal is to
seek God in the silence of our hearts. Fr. Mel has a whole book on this
Blood and Water, Wine and Oil.*Getting in touch with our inner silence/GOD affects every molecule in the universe. (That's so awesome.)
*Entering the heart is the solution and healing to our brokenness. I didn't take any notes on how to do that. I think its waiting for God in between the words of prayer. Being immensely aware of God, conscious of God. Seeking God in the silence of our hearts. Being present.
*The minute we say to God: "I don't want the moment I'm having right now, I want the one in my head." (expectations), we are in hell. This is so true for me, especially around bed-times. I expect certain kids to go to sleep. They're tired, it's time, and when they don't, it's hell. Churning frustration for me, which doesn't help anyone go to sleep.
These were the big huge bell-ringers for me. Wow. And for a few weeks I could be putting Eliana to bed, praying: "Lord, have mercy." slowly with my breath, trying to be silent in between the words, and it was progress, maybe. And as a side-effect, I was less irritated by how long she flops around before sleeping. 8)
There was more about the family, if anyone out there is still reading.
*We have to accept the family, accept God's reality, live with what annoys us and accept people for who they are.
*We need extended families. Badly. Boys need to be aware of righteous maleness from watching grandfathers and uncles as well as their dad. Girls need to be getting cues about their role not just from their moms, but the whole extended family of women. The whole family teaches kids. Its the village. Church can be our extended family, if ours is far away or unavailable.
*Remedy for families: 1. Be vigilant about honesty (tempered by kindness and necessity). Kids should never second guess themselves because they saw something that was negated by parents. (Mom: "No, dad isn't drunk, passed out on the floor. He wouldn't do that. He's sick. etc. Kid is unsure of reality, unstable.)
2. Avoid manipulative language (not honest). Like saying "I love you" just to draw a response of "I love you, too."
3. Avoid symbolic language (I didn't totally get this part. Its mainly about don't argue about who left the chips out if the deeper issues is unaddressed. Be upfront and honest and address the deeper issue.)
*Ego gets enraged when under threat. Ego fills the whole space of a person, wants to feed off of pain, looks for someone close by to pick a fight with and make another enraged ego until all the energy is used up. Resist enraged egos! Cool your ego, don't react. Find out what the cycle is and break it. Every problem in the world starts with an enraged ego.
Interesting gems he just dropped on us and then kept talking about his main points:
*Parenting isn't as complex as we make it. He thinks we just need to draw gentle boundaries around basic goodness, our children are who they are. Interesting. Not sure what I think (maybe because that would be admitting I'm not in control.)
*We have no effect on anyone from eight years old upwards unless they are agreeable to change. Hmmmm...
If you're still reading... wow. Good job. I was going to include the other part of my recent revelations, the book: "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline", but I'll save it for another day. 8)
