Ohhhhh.... A new post.

So... life moves on. We got through Christmas and had a great time with family (which ironically, Grandma would have loved the most of anybody) for the funeral preparations and for the funeral. I wish we were a society which encouraged loud wailing and lamenting, clothes rending and ashes in our funerals. I felt I could throw myself down and be held up by friends and family, I could just wail. But I didn't. I feel a big cry brewing, now, instead of the ache that Edna's being gone has left, but am a little bit scared to give over to it. What a bizzare process, who knew? We've figured out childcare, thanks to my mom and Grandpa and our neighbor and friends filling in. We feed Grandpa a lot. We miss Grandma. There are lots of things we've been up to that she would have loved to hear the girls recount. It was better with her here. There's nothing better about her being gone.

We included the girls in every part of Grandma's memorializing, with hopes that it would help them understand a bit more, have closure(?), be included. And so that we could talk about each part of living and dying, and how they were there for all of Grandma's events, like: "Look, see girls? Pictures! You were there."

At the viewing:


I understand loss a little more. How people show up, and how meaningful that is. I haven't shown up for funerals very much in my life, but I will in the future. It's comforting and reassuring and life-affirming when people show up for you. People came to the viewing just to be supportive, people came to the graveside just to be supportive, people came to the funeral and mourned with us and were supportive. People who barely new Edna wanted to come, tried to come, even thinking about coming was comforting. People wrote cards and made food and volunteered their houses for family, which was so very wonderful, and I had no idea. I'd never sent a sympathy card before. What a nice invention.

Here's what we would have told Grandma alllllll about:
Christmas!! Calvin's oldest brother, Ralph and Auntie Kim and their six kids came up Christmas Eve from Riverside after hearing about Edna's passing. It was hard to be sad with them around, the girls were so excited to be with their cousins, and for Christmas, of course. They opened their first present, soft, brushable horses, and were content. They had to be coaxed to open their other presents. (Note to self- they don't need a lot!)


Cousins!!




Horse-riding lesson! A most-perfect Christmas present, the girls got a horseback ride. They were SOOOOO excited. Eliana was super serious as she rode, and then would burst into beautific smiles when asked if she was having fun.