The Girls

Rub a-Dub Dub! Cousins and neighbors in a tub!

The Beach! Maybe Eliana's second time? Yes, we need to make our way there more!

Getting on and off of this box was 22 minutes of non-stop fun.

Posin'

Our bathtub, up until yesterday! Our first bathroom is useable, almost done! Yay!

Serious meat eater. Step away from my drumsticks!

The Spiritual Re-Re-Re-Re-Awakening

I could add a few more Re's in there. Since first hinting about this revival, it has lapsed into a quiet, subconscious simmering. But I will deliver the meat of it, anyway, partly in hopes to pep myself up again. Oh dear.

Back in May, (could be why it doesn't feel so freshly amazing anymore) I went to hear Fr. Mel (Fr. Meletios Weber) speak. He is the priest who, with my dad, married Calvin and I. I really, really love him. He's one of those who spends a few minutes talking to me and changes my whole perspective. And hearing one of his talks is always just fabulous. The guy knows what he's talking about, spiritually, psychologically, relationally, linguistically... (We always nerd around and try to speak French together. He speaks many languages. Love him.)

Fr. Mel's talk was titled "Family, Church, and the Spiritual Way." I would have driven an hour and paid a babysitter to hear him talk about car parts or the rice farming, anything. I assumed the talk was about how to get your kids involved in church life, or keep them busy during services (any hints or philosophies on kids in church from mamas out there?) But his talk was much deeper than that, about people, families and their problems, and the church's role therein.

His main points:
*We are broken people and need healing. (This is opposed to the western view that we are sinful and need punishment or forgiveness.)

*Sometimes our brokenness crashes and clashes with the brokenness of someone else. Families are a good place for this, as is church.

*When we realize we are broken, we can then begin to face problems correctly. Being aware of how broken we are, we are entitled to the healing of God. No one can take away God's healing except our own self, through pride.

*Biggest brokenness: between our head/mind and our heart.
1. Our mind likes to dwell in the past or future, where God meets us in the present moment (heart).
2. Our mind runs a stream of chatter, "Logisme", always feeding us two types of thoughts: fear and desire. Most of our thoughts are "what if" or "if only".
-Our brains are good for working things out, its good to voluntarily use our mind, but when our mind is doing something to us, that's our brokenness. (Throwing a pity party, worrying, getting emotional and festering, etc.)
-Emotion is a physical reaction to thought, fickle, fleeting. Its okay to use emotion to describe an event, but it is not ever the event.
-Memory is bad at reconstructing reality. Its good at reconstructing our emotions about something.

*Our thought clumps (Logisme groups) are the Human Ego, which says: life isn't fair to me, but what about me?, expects always to be attacked, is always desperate, the super insecure part of us. Ego wants to be the victim, so we can say: "SEE! Look at what happened to ME!"
(Side note: he thinks people so enjoy being the victim that they hold on to it, even for 20+ years, because they can use it to explain/excuse their behavior. At some point-- get over it. Its in the past, unproductive to continue to give energy to it, its done.)

*Psychotherapy: people try to use their mind to fix their mind. Psychotherapy gets rid of symptoms. The root of our problems is our inability to dwell in our heart. Our goal is to seek God in the silence of our hearts. Fr. Mel has a whole book on this Blood and Water, Wine and Oil.

*Getting in touch with our inner silence/GOD affects every molecule in the universe. (That's so awesome.)

*Entering the heart is the solution and healing to our brokenness. I didn't take any notes on how to do that. I think its waiting for God in between the words of prayer. Being immensely aware of God, conscious of God. Seeking God in the silence of our hearts. Being present.

*The minute we say to God: "I don't want the moment I'm having right now, I want the one in my head." (expectations), we are in hell. This is so true for me, especially around bed-times. I expect certain kids to go to sleep. They're tired, it's time, and when they don't, it's hell. Churning frustration for me, which doesn't help anyone go to sleep.

These were the big huge bell-ringers for me. Wow. And for a few weeks I could be putting Eliana to bed, praying: "Lord, have mercy." slowly with my breath, trying to be silent in between the words, and it was progress, maybe. And as a side-effect, I was less irritated by how long she flops around before sleeping. 8)

There was more about the family, if anyone out there is still reading.
*We have to accept the family, accept God's reality, live with what annoys us and accept people for who they are.

*We need extended families. Badly. Boys need to be aware of righteous maleness from watching grandfathers and uncles as well as their dad. Girls need to be getting cues about their role not just from their moms, but the whole extended family of women. The whole family teaches kids. Its the village. Church can be our extended family, if ours is far away or unavailable.

*Remedy for families: 1. Be vigilant about honesty (tempered by kindness and necessity). Kids should never second guess themselves because they saw something that was negated by parents. (Mom: "No, dad isn't drunk, passed out on the floor. He wouldn't do that. He's sick. etc. Kid is unsure of reality, unstable.)
2. Avoid manipulative language (not honest). Like saying "I love you" just to draw a response of "I love you, too."
3. Avoid symbolic language (I didn't totally get this part. Its mainly about don't argue about who left the chips out if the deeper issues is unaddressed. Be upfront and honest and address the deeper issue.)

*Ego gets enraged when under threat. Ego fills the whole space of a person, wants to feed off of pain, looks for someone close by to pick a fight with and make another enraged ego until all the energy is used up. Resist enraged egos! Cool your ego, don't react. Find out what the cycle is and break it. Every problem in the world starts with an enraged ego.


Interesting gems he just dropped on us and then kept talking about his main points:
*Parenting isn't as complex as we make it. He thinks we just need to draw gentle boundaries around basic goodness, our children are who they are. Interesting. Not sure what I think (maybe because that would be admitting I'm not in control.)
*We have no effect on anyone from eight years old upwards unless they are agreeable to change. Hmmmm...

If you're still reading... wow. Good job. I was going to include the other part of my recent revelations, the book: "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline", but I'll save it for another day. 8)

Summer Fun

This really feels like a vacation... 8). Between being off of work, and having Calvin's days off, we are really reveling in the joy of being together. He's switched schedules, so starting soon he'll have weekends off. That means when the school year starts, we'll be using babysitters more while we both work, but then have lots of family time ALL TOGETHER when we're off. I'm excited about that.

The girls are doing great. I'm loving hanging out with them tremendously. The remodel has started, so we shuttle between our house and Calvin's parents' for naps and showers. Eventually we'll be using their kitchen while ours is worked on. Overall, the remodel is going great, not too big of an imposition so far, except perhaps our imposition on the grandparents.

Eliana is at such a fun age. I see why lots of people get pregnant when their youngest are this age, it's very sweet and enchanting. Eliana's latest cute thing is to rub her head no matter where she hurts herself. She does bonk her head frequently, and we all rush to rub rub rub it. She now rubs her head herself, even if she falls onto her bottom, or bonks her foot. Cute. Adessa's latest cute thing is making up songs and dancing to them. Her words don't always make sense, but, neither do many songs I hear on the radio. I've been working to give Adessa lots of hugs and kisses, which she doesn't invite as much as Eliana, because, as we all know... it goes so fast

Oh- I forgot to post something that happened a few weeks ago: Adessa was crawling around in our car instead of getting into her seat, something that happens every once in a while. I was loading up Eliana and the rest of the car, and I heard her exclaim: "Mom! I found God!" Well! That was easy! I turned to see what she was talking about, and saw that she found an icon card of Jesus in the backseat. She held onto it for a while as we drove, and then later gave it back to me saying: "I'm all done with God." Oh dear.

One of the main reasons I'm enjoying the girls soooo much, besides having Calvin home lately in between shift changes, and being off of work...and eating less sugar and getting more sleep...and Eliana being older...and Adessa growing out of her fits somewhat... is... that I'm reading the very very very best book. It is life changing, and I highly recommend it for everyone, but especially parents. It makes changing yourself seem so very possible. It's called: "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline", which makes it sound like you only need it if you have a difficult child. Which isn't true, it's good for all interactions with all people. I'm going to use it with my students as a teacher. It's by Becky A. Bailey, PhD, and... it's made such a difference in my dynamics with Adessa and our interactions. It works! I'm going to do a blog post about how God is using so many different things right now, helpful and grace-giving lessons converging in my heart for positive change. This book is one of those things. Yay!

Okay... the pictures!
Swimming lesson action shots. These look glamorous, but don't be fooled. While the girls are having fun and look wet, not very much actual swimming is happening. Which is fine, next year. (Or else!)


Adessa and Daddy on the move.

Eliana's goose-egg producing forehead incident. She tripped directly onto her head, no hands out. Ouch.


Bubbles!

Almost, baby girl!

This is what happens when I ask them to pose:

Before...

This post is mostly because I don't know how else to show people pictures, and I'm going to freecycle parts of our house that we're getting rid of. That is, if anyone wants them! For those not interested in our funky old stuff, on Monday we embark on a "facelift" of our bathrooms and kitchen. Very exciting, expensive, and stressful. 8) At the end we will have bathrooms that are easy to use and clean, a more modern-looking kitchen, and... drumroll please... a dishwasher!! Yipee!

Kitchen island, with kitchen sink.

Kitchen Island from the other angle.

Kitchen island from behind. Toys/swim bag not included.


Bathroom stuff:
Cast Iron? I think, tub. This is very funky, and very huge/heavy. Our contractor talked of breaking it up to get it out of the bathroom, which breaks my heart. If anyone wants it, they'd be careful. It is funky because it is up against two walls, not three. So it needs an L-shaped shower curtain, or should just be a bath. It's not the toilet, that stays, but my kids are asleep and I can't get another picture. Its all white, and in good shape. Probably pretty old, like the 40's when the house was built.

Bathroom sink and sink cabinet. There are no shelves or anything in the cabinet, its just the doors open to the sink hardware. Faucets and nobs included.


Vanity. This is super vintage, probably also from the 40's. Or 70's, when they updated. A tiny bit rusty, has shelves inside and in the door that swings open from left to right. Also vintage light, should anyone desire it.


Other bathroom's sink and cabinet. Inside this cabinet is one shelf, halfway up. Faucet, etc. included.

And, yes, the piece de resistance, the vanity. Any part of this lovely ensemble can be yours. Anyone doing a 70's movie? The light, the mirror, the mirrored shelf, the entire package are all available. 8)

Just a Small Little Big Girl

Adessa thinks you're only a big girl if you can touch the ceiling. This is an explanation for why she doesn't think she can do various things I ask of her, because she's not a big girl, yet. I hope she changes her mind and does things like dress herself, put her socks on, etc. before she's tall enough to touch the ceiling. She allows that, yes, now she's bigger--three years old!--but she patiently explains to me that she's still just: "a small little big girl."

Her birthday party was lots of fun. It was great to see her new level of understanding: she really gets birthdays. She looked around with glee at us all as we sang to her, so delightful.

Adessa's birthday cake. Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and royal icing decorations. It wasn't too stressful, maybe I'll take up cake decorating again. I think the bigger the cake, the more room for error, so small cakes are the way to go.


Adessa and her Romina and their sparkly shoes. Adessa is already dancing on tables at parties, but we'll keep an eye on her. And, yes, she dressed herself. She refuses all fashion advising. Which I'm told is cute.


Gwen and Adessa at her birthday party. Thank you, Sky Park, for hosting our parties.


And that takes us right into summer. Swimming lessons started up, and I'm enjoying swimming with both the girls. Adessa was going to have a class with a teacher, and did fine the first day. For the next three classes, she howled and wailed. For 30 minutes straight, even with me or her cousin, Jordan, in with her. This week I've been in the water with her and we have had much more successful classes (by successful, I mean quieter.) She has definite ideas about what she will or won't do in the water. And this surprises me??

Eliana getting ready for her swim lesson. Modeling her "burkini", full coverage swimwear.


Adessa lounging after her swim lesson, eating a well deserved graham cracker.



I thought it was a good idea to get Adessa a pair of scissors for her birthday, to help with her fine motor coordination and get her ready for preschool. Ohhhh dear. Who knew that she has shredding capabilities Enron would covet? She's a human shredder. We consider renting her out, as she's an ideal little big person to do the job: she can't read, so sensitive documents wouldn't be compromised, and she can cut a regular weight paper into smithereens in under a minute, which are then scattered all over our house as an additional security measure.

Three Years of Adessa Faye

Birthday season continues! Adessa turned three yesterday, June 12th. It is hard to believe how fast it has gone, yada yada time flies. Most remarkable to me, I think, is that I am finally used to having kids. It seems like I've always had them, this has always been my life. What a ride, Adessa Faye. Thank you for all the lessons I'm learning as I try to be a good mom for you, and for all the giggles.
Adessa:
1. sings and dances. With gloves on, she sings and dances as Minnie Mouse.
2. likes turkey and cheese sandwiches with "bananaise".
3. exclaims: "I love ________________." with her hands up to her cheeks. She loves: Teletubbies, her pink shorts, her party shoes, bananaise, smoothies, and Rice Krispies, to name a few.
4. attempts dangerous feats, like a headstand that turns into a somersault, performed on the edge of the bed. Scary.
5. tries to make Eliana happy when she's crying. Adessa will dance and clap and sing for her. Awwww.

We had special (burnt) pancakes in honor of the birthday girl, and she opened one present. We're waiting for Tuesday when Daddy's off work to do her party. (The tutu was her present, you can see it peeking out of her apron.)


Making tuna fish, as it was too hot to cook.


Eliana's contribution to the tuna.


Playing with bindi's the other day.


Outside, ready for summer!

We Have a Walker!

Eliana's really walking. She took her first steps over spring break, and has been working her way up to many steps. She zeroes in on a target destination, wobbles, steps, gets her balance, and makes it! She's so proud of herself. Here she is:




So much fun. I looked back at my blog entries from when Adessa was this age, and she was this much fun, too. Eliana's trying to talk, these days, and carries on long conversations of gibberish complete with appropriate facial expressions and hand gestures. She mugs for the camera, and tries to do whatever Adessa is doing. The cutest is climbing. She'll have her hands above her head holding onto a table or something, but will still try to get her little leg up so she can climb like Adessa. Awww.

She's earned her "Indian Name": Little Big Teeth
This isn't the best photo of Eliana, but I've been trying to capture her fast sprouting upper teeth. They came out of nowhere a few weeks ago and are now hard to miss.


I am enjoying both the girls so much more these days, not sure if it just really does take ONE YEAR to get used to two kids, or if Eliana is so much easier now, or if Adessa is passing through her terrible-twos and threes faster, or what. But its nice to feel kind of normal about having kids, instead of the all-consuming overwhelmed state I've been in. Much better.

Adessa is fun! She is delightful often--telling stories, asking questions, taking care of Eliana, making up songs, pretending to read. We've been doing evening prayers with her, and she is very thoughtful about considering the needs of people we know to pray for. I love that! She comes up with some funny ones, though, like wanting to pray for my watch that broke. I guess God could heal my watch if He wanted to, but we talked about how God gives us the resources to buy ourself a new battery.

We went with my middle school students on a field trip to a local CSA farm, and Adessa was ready for it in her rain boots. That girl had a FABULOUS time plodding through the many mud puddles, and my students had fun watching her,( wishing they had rain boots). The tour ended in the strawberry patch, and we were able to pick a few strawberries. Which made for a really cool moment of near-perfect bliss. It was beautiful, the farm overlooked the ocean, Eliana and Adessa stood in our little strawberry row and were so captivated by the gorgeous strawberries, right there in front of them, and the bugs and birds, and picking and eating berries with juice running down their faces. They both kept checking in with me, enraptured, like: "Is this for real?".

Adessa on the farm.


Kicking at the mud. I kept trying to get down and get a good picture of her, but was wearing Eliana and had difficulty. I think this was the best one? Then the camera went back into the car so I could walk and feed snacks and hold hands, so no pics of the strawberries on my camera. I hold the bliss, though, it was balm to my soul.