Truth in Bloggertizing

Our story today begins with a Harvest field trip with my mom and my moms (group.) We drove out to a mountain farm and were treated to a corn harvest demonstration, a chance to feed farm animals and pick corn, a wagon ride, and a time to pick-your-own-pumpkin. Here are the photos from our event:

The wagon ride:


The corn picking with Elijah and Jayden:


The pumpkin selection process, involving contemplation and a squat:


Victorious! A sweet specimen!


However, what I'm realizing about blogging is, you just can't believe what you see. It looks like we had a great time. And we did, overall. But what the pictures don't show you is how hot, dirty, and uncomfortable we were. Maybe you can tell from the picture of me that I am considerably sleep deprived? The pictures don't show you how stressed out I was about getting there since I was sort of the ring-leader for my friends. We left our house too late, there was road-work, and then we were stuck behind the slowest mom in the universe who happened to be going to the same place and didn't ever waver in her determination to slow down at each intersection (obviously unfamiliar with the area) but never ever pull over to let me by. The photos don't show how impatient I was to leave, afterwards and get to a STAFF MEETING on my day off, a whole other story, or that I bribed Adessa with a peppermint candy to get her into the car. I have no pictures to show of her choking! on her candy and barfing it up with the rest of her stomach contents all over her carseat. Whoops. Normally I wouldn't include all that in the blog, but lately, I think I need to be more realistic in my blogging. It wasn't this event, per se, that was so terrible with such cute pictures, it just got me thinking.

As I've read about friends' lives on the internet lately, a new feeling has crept into my awareness, and it is... jealousy!? I have so much to be thankful for, etc. yada yada, of course I know so well the blessings I enjoy and take for granted, but when reading blogs and facebook recently I've finally pinpointed the feeling, and it's definitely envy. I think I'm feeling my admiration for the lives of others lean towards jealousy because 1. I am a flawed being and have a host of issues that need attention, and 2. because online we present ourselves without the negative or unglamorous or impatient-mom parts of our stories. It's not that we're purposely trying to omit the less wonderful parts of our lives, its just that we think no one really wants to read about it. It is easy to give highlights only, to focus and report on the exciting and amazing. Animal shows are similar, they're mostly about hunting, eating, and mating, even though that's a tiny percentage of an animals life. I am probably not alone in my mismanagement of my children, I just feel like I am because the worlds I get to peek into (as the world I've presented) don't include anything less than sunny. So, I hereby commit to tell the whole story, give the whole picture, and to learn something along the way. I also have decided that I don't have to stay off the internet to get rid of my envious bent, I just need to understand that probably everyone isn't always having so much fun as their blog or facebook profile would let on, or such domestic bliss, or intense and wonderful occurrences all the time.

I did get a picture of the mundane this time: here are the girls, stuck in road-work traffic on the way to the farm.


Is anyone still reading this? Way to go if you are, I know I get wordy.

Suffice it to say, there have been some terrible moments lately. Moments where I really doubt my parenting and wonder why on earth people have so many kids, and how can so many people seem unscathed by their child-rearing experiences. I wonder if I'm making it too hard on myself, as no one else seems to be having this much of a struggle. Calvin is getting to experience some of the parenting obstacle course, too, as he does childcare while I'm at work, but most of my struggle is during the long days when he's gone. That 6 o'clock hour, I tell you, it's a killer! Eliana is coming to life--she is so sweet and charming--but in the back of my mind I hesitate to enjoy it because I'm thinking: "You're going to be two some day. This only gets harder." For every 50 really stinky, wretched moments in a day, there are at least 51 amazing, breath-catching moments, too. And some days are better than others. I just re-read some Dr. Sears on discipline, so today I was very understanding and patient, and let my higher self deal with Adessa.

For the record: Both of my girls are so incredibly precious, and I AM so thankful for what I have, they are just what I wanted. And what would I possibly do with domestic bliss?

I'm So Proud of My New Humility

It's become apparent lately how incredibly humbling it is to be a mom. So very humbling. Hearing my angry words come back to me from Adessa's two-year old mouth is incredibly humbling. Having Adessa respond super rudely to someone who complimented her dress or asked for a high five is downright embarrassing. Overdoing things and trying to stay on my own schedule until both of my girls have poopy diapers and are hungry and overdue for naps, fussing in a quiet store 20 minutes away from home, is very humbling. Walking through the house with Eliana in one arm and banging her head into the door jamb as I walk through is humbling. Taking the girls out to wait in the driveway for Calvin to get home from a 12 hour work shift because I can't stand to be in the house just waiting, makes me feel smaller and less like the wonder-mom I'd like to be. I'm beginning to see oh-so-clearly how very much better a mom and a person I'd like to be. (I'm not fishing for compliments, (don't need any as that would not help my pride), I'm reflecting- I know some of this is normal stuff, I'd just like to be able to handle it more gracefully.)

I've actually been praying for things like humility, so I can be a good example for the girls. I think the request went like this: "Please, God, help me to be more humble, but please do it in such a way that I don't have to be embarrassed." And then I went on to visualize how great it would be to be super humble, and how everyone would notice and flock to me because of my great meekness and humility. And that, folks, is maybe why I keep having to get this pride/humility lesson again and again and again.
Amen.

And, without further ado, here are the girls:

Adessa and Madrina Romina walking Beau. (Adessa dances as she goes.)


In (my favorite) jammies, Adessa's beautiful night gown, and Eliana's pink elephant sleeper.


Eliana's exuberant smile caught on camera!


Carrots all around! On Calvin's days off we've been having idyllic after-dinner walks to the "meadow".



Wearing Daddy's shoes, just playing in the grass. Lots of room to run and dance and play "Catch-You".

Four Months of Eliana!

And of having two kids. Whew! It's definitely gotten easier. How nice to know the terribly untethered, reeling, unfastened feeling wasn't a permanent part of having two kids. Adjustments are well on their way. Paradigms are shifting. Less is getting done, cheerfully now, not resentfully. While I need to bolster my patience often, we are all coming right along. Yay!

Just hanging out.


On the very four month anniversary, September 5th.


Gwennie and Adessa at the river. Easy fun we discovered this summer.


Our tribute to Blind Melon. (If you don't get the reference, watch this video.)

Summer's End

Back to school. Summer, and it's long days and unscheduled busy-ness are over. Week one went well. Calvin had fun watching the kids. He felt that he got to know Eliana better, having her for 8 hours straight, and is a terrific Mr. Mom. I got right back to it at the homeschool. My contract this year is three days a week and all of my assignment is with the homeschool--no juggling the high school schedule--which is so fabulous. My job will be much more focused and flexible, as I've almost only homeschool stuff to worry about.

Adessa has gone from saying: "Wanna talk." at bedtime, which meant that she wanted me to talk about the day, to: "I just want to talk about it, Mom." (seriously, complete sentences this month.) and then she talks all about the day. Pretty fun. She only wants to wear "beautiful gowns", which means her shorts, skirts, and pants are all lying neglected in her drawers, and her play dresses (which all her dresses are becoming) are getting lots of wear. She sings and dances and mimics gestures, and is fun to watch. She can do many bits and songs from her favorite movies (watched exclusively from musical selection to musical selection) which are Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Cinder Elmo, and Enchanted.


The girls day dreaming. (Or wondering when the photo opportunity was going to end.)


Adessa's first (responsive) phone conversation with Daddy.



This one kills me. Super earnest finger sucking, while clasping (random) blanket oh-so tightly.


Escaping the heat wave (don't get me started on how hot it's been.) Eliana liked the water, darling in what can most aptly be described as a "swimming costume".


(Not really) Chillin' in da crib.


Eliana talking.

It's All Happening at the Zoo...

I do believe it's true! We took a last hurrah, before-school-starts trip to the San Francisco Zoo. Very fun to see the animals live and in person, doing their thing.

Daddy and Adessa with the giraffes. This was the first animal we saw, and I think Adessa could have stayed there with the giraffes all day. But there was more!


Adessa walking in grizzly bear footprints at their exhibit. We got to watch them swim around.


Daddy and Adessa rode the little train.


Mommy holding "both my girls" in front of the gorillas. (We figured out about the smudged lense right around the lions, so some of these pictures have a bit of a halo effect.


How Eliana spent her zoo time. Riding in the stroller and sleeping in the Ergo.


At the Zooooo. At the Zooo-ooooo. (Thank you, Simon and Garfunkle.)

Girl Stuff

Today I see the problem with not knowing who in the world reads this blog. Because, I really think it may just be my mom and Arin, Sarah, Amy, Barbara, and Kim. All of whom I feel comfortable telling the following: I started my period! Menstruating! Aunt Flow got her months wrong. The baby is just three months old, and already my body is prepared to bring forth more life. And give me additional raucous mood swings. Or something. This is, in a word, infuriating.
*The rest of the post is going to be on the same subject, so the weak of heart should wait until we're back to our regular programing of a cute toddler and her antics and a very small, (only three months old for pete's sake!) baby.

Yes, infuriating. There is a reason that God gives most exclusively breastfeeding women a break from their monthlies for a GOOD LONG WHILE. Partly its for birth control and spacing between kids, and to give mamas a chance to recuperate and heal from the havoc of birth. And partly because how on earth is a woman supposed to take care of herself, with time constraints related to periods, and at the same time take care of babies? It's like now there are three of us in diapers. COME ONNNN! Its a lot to keep track of: who ate what when? who slept for how long? why is this one cranky? and where's the nearest bathroom? End rant.

Where Does the Tickety-Time Go?

Brace yourselves! Eliana is three months old tomorrow. Already. She is sweet sweet sweet, I tell you! She's starting to take notice of her toys, her hands can find her mouth most of the time, and she is getting strong as she tries to look around and see what we're all up to. Eliana smiles into my eyes and it's so uncomplicated, just sheer delight and love emanating out of her. Ohhhh. I love it. Especially when a certain two year old isn't very excited about me, I am appreciative of the soft sweet goodness of a baby.

Adessa has been doing really well, actually. Lots less tears and whining; she's starting to be able to control herself when asked and change her voice and use words instead of crying to tell us what she wants nicely, instead of demanding and wailing. Its an incredibly pleasant development, and I've been enjoying her. Whenever anyone in our house (Eliana, me,) is upset, she will run to find a binky (pacifier) for them. Calvin and I were having a... discussion, with, er, slightly raised voices, ahem, and she yelled from the other room: "Fighting? Binky for mommy?" Very nice of her to share those precious binkies. Her funny phrase of late is: "How that ohpd?" Which translated means: How do you open this thing?

Eliana and Daddio.


Eliana, sleeping with her binky in her eye. It did not bother her in the least.


Adessa and Elijah watching a movie on Adessa's new (to us) pink princess couch/sofa bed.


The younger generation of the Beck side of the family so far. And no, we couldn't get Adessa to smile. 8)


Eliana's first swim, at her godparents house. It was nice and warm and she loved it. This girl loves water, she is calmed by a shower or bath and even her feet in Lake Tahoe didn't phase her.